indie to corporate darling pipeline
The last line of my last post on this site was scarily accurate for once ( something along the lines of “ I feel like I’m entering a new phase in my life”). A week after I wrote that, I was offered a job in my field.
I spent the better part of this year going on Indeed, searching for jobs that would allow me to utilize my English degree to some capacity. I secretly scheduled Zoom interviews during my lunch hour, and tried hard to conceal my anxiousness about having enough time to go check the mail and get back to my desk to unforward my phones. This went on for months, until one glorious Tuesday afternoon I received the email that sealed my future of not having to ask to go to the bathroom during the day despite being a grown woman on the cusp of 25. I didn’t realize how small and incapable I had felt for such a long time, or how much my chest hurt every day from stress, or how much I compartmentalized this part of my life. My last day came quickly, and it was bittersweet to leave the small group of people I worked with every day for the past year during the pandemic. But the most comforting part of my departure was the mutual understanding that it was time for me to move on—my first professional breakup.
So here I am now, navigating unfamiliar territory. I’m salaried and have dental insurance, and paid time off, and a 401k ( insert emphasis on unfamiliar territory here). My debt-to-income ratio has gone down significantly. Instead of working dinner shifts on the weekends, I’m on the other side. I’m now someone who can afford to go out to dinner and leave more than 20% as a tip. Friends and peers are asking me for career advice. I don’t have a lingering wave of guilt or feel the need to rationalize every monetary decision I make when I buy something, which in itself is a privilege I never thought I’d have. But the most shocking part of all of this is that I’m getting paid to write. My confidence is coming back. My friend got a promotion in her field this year, and it was nice to share our collective feelings of relief and the overall culture shock.
Growing up with divorced parents, who each had vastly different income levels, made my understanding of personal finance quite complicated and contradictory. I was raised by a spender (when I heard her say the word “splurge” for the first time, my life changed forever). Once I was starting to prepare to go to college I got a crash course in credit. I learned the hard way when I maxed out my first credit card and had to settle with a debt collection agency, or how panicked and shitty I felt when my bank account would overdraft. To be in a place now where I live without roommates, and am now earning the most I ever have, are aspects of my life that I’m having trouble claiming as my own.
I said to my friend a couple of weeks ago, “This doesn’t feel like my life. I’m still getting used to it, like is this really me doing all of this?” Things like this happen to people everyday, so why is it so hard for me to accept and process? I don’t know what it’s like to not have to always be thinking ahead, or to have a knot festering in my stomach. But after spending the past six years simultaneously working and worrying, I am finally comfortable. I can focus more on my personal life, working on myself, and creative projects. What a concept.
With the CDC lifting guidelines, and my inner circle being fully vaccinated, things have slowly started going back to normal, or I suppose it’s better to say a “new normal.” I have to find other personality traits that don’t involve scrolling through TikTok videos and online shopping. Here’s hoping I get there. Overall, I am so happy to be able to see my friends again, and make plans.
It took a while, but things did get better for me, despite all the negative that happened in the past year. I’m lucky to be able to say that.
I hope things got better for you, or that things are looking that way.
Rooting for you always,
Grace